01/14/2007

Photo A Day Jan. 14, 2007

So, I'm trying the long distance thing....this is what gets me through the evenings, conversations with him, IMs, phone and now webcam (and no, not the pervy stuff, haha)....its different getting to know someone this way, but I like it in that at least we know we can have conversations with each other and don't get bored, and we're forced to get to know each other slowly, not all about the physical, and I truly admit that so far, I like it. I hope he'll be able to open up more to me, but so far, I feel we're on the same page. I hope he doesn't get bored soon. Its going to be hard, I admit it. I admit I've had some trust issues here lately in dating, but heck, I've been through a lot in the past 5+ years, failing marriage, lies, cheated on, divorce, being used for one thing or another, false hope, and then I allowed myself to feel for someone, Country Boy, and he broke it off, then ater just being friends for about 5 months he came back to me and told me he missed me, that I'm a hard girl to forget, and that he wants the same thing is me, but he has to fix his life, has to take baby steps, but that he's working towards the same thing...of us being together, but to give him time, be patient and if we got back together it would be more than just dating...Country Boy told me this one weekend...and then called me 3 weeks later to tell me he got married to someone else. It took my by such surprise that I just shut down for a little while....so yeah, I have some trust issues, no lie. I hope it doesn't drive this guy away. But, I admit, hearing words like that again is scary "be patient, give me time".....its hard to hear those words again with someone new who I haven't spent more than a few days with in person...but something about this one is different, something about us being forced to take our time getting to know each other makes it seem a little easier to take slow steps into what may turn into something more....this time I'm trusting myself, my instincts that say this is different. I don't know what will happen or how far it will go, its scary to take this kind of a risk, but I know that if I don't, I'll always wonder about it and maybe I'd regret not taking the chance, and so I'm giving it a try...hoping for a great outcome....so until I get to see him again, this is what gets me through, reading his sweet words, learning about him, missing him.